I'll share a few pics here but please come over to the site http://www.getkinky.us/franceslaneerotica please use the like buttons for facebook and subscribe to my feed!
Woohoo! xxx
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Wanna let you know!
I have a NEW blog! It is for my photography, my portraits etc Thanks to those at getkinky.us for giving me the space to show people my work again! Having the space back gave me the perfect excuse for a shoot....Chez & Kayleigh are featured in the new lesbian tryst shoot! It gets very kinky!
I'll share a few pics here but please come over to the site http://www.getkinky.us/franceslaneerotica please use the like buttons for facebook and subscribe to my feed!
Woohoo! xxx
I'll share a few pics here but please come over to the site http://www.getkinky.us/franceslaneerotica please use the like buttons for facebook and subscribe to my feed!
Woohoo! xxx
Friday, 22 October 2010
winter blues are early....
trying not to make it too long between posts, trying to keep some sort of order in my head.
In all honesty I've not had a great week :( i had a falling out with a friend over something stupid and really wasn't worth it. ive had toothache on BOTH sides of my lower jaw so food has been hard to consume and drinking wasn't much better. I feel like i have neglected my spiritual side somewhat recently and need to correct that. i feel a failure at life in general, its dale's birthday and i cant even afford to get him a £10 game :( so i feel a cunt. I feel like my family are drifting further and further away. ive not spoken to my mum since my grandad's funeral, don't know why, just scared she's going to shout or have a go and i really really don't want to fight any more.
I feel desolate. void of real emotion. i cry a lot, just on my own. i did it a week or so ago at a friend's house, just burst into tears. I am also becoming less and less social. I have had problems with 'outside' for a while but recently it has taken on a completely new role. I constantly think about the car crashing and I'm going to die, i fill with anxiety from the min my seatbelt clicks in and doesn't really ease until i am at a safe destination, back home or a friends house. I know it's becoming a problem, i don't know how to stop it but if i was a flower my petals are truly grey and limp.....
Ah the fucking toothache. I am now sporting a inch long gap on my lower left, leaving me with 1 molar at the back and nothing till my incisors at the front, nothing, a massive fucking gap. i have the teeth of a tramp. I might well get a denture as i can see it already being a problem eating wise, ive got no bit on one side, the molar left on the back has no tooth matching it on top, that too was removed. At least i wont have toothache any more but then again i will have no teeth pretty soon.
its a big thing for me, its the past catching up with the present, yet another way of knowing i broke my body and it doesn't fit back together again, like a vase you broke and your missing just tiny slithers but it makes it incomplete a jumbled handful of pieces.
im worried people will notice, i am worried that the rest of my teeth will follow, will i dribble more? ive already noticed my bite is literally non-existence on the left now, i will eat like a mouse for now on. if i didn't already have problems with eating in front of people....
I need to say sorry to someone....Krishna, my lord i am sorry for not giving you the love and care expected from me of late and i hope to be forgiven by you, my gracious Krishna. I have felt empty the last few weeks where my attentions have been focused elsewhere. I need to bathe in your golden light, your rose petalled scent surrounding me. My Lord i live to serve others and share your light with them.
Hare Krishna!
I feel of late i am being criticised about the fact i do not work but have the opportunity too. I ALWAYS looked at photography as my expression and interaction with the world. A little bit of me is in every photo. I can't do weddings, christenings etc. Why? well you may well ask and i will give you my answer....I do not do them as i find the subject's utterly depressing, i hate family occasions, just reminds me of how shit my family life is, reminds me ill never have a child to christen and most of all, yes most of all...i will be selling my artistic soul to a media devil. I LOVE photography, i literally see a photo constantly, ever changing, shifting shadows, a prop constantly learning and adopting new practices. I really don't want to do pretty photos, I'll do them for friends and family but outsiders no ta! i can tell my niece's and nephew to move, smile shut up etc. this façade of niceness is shit and i WILL NOT succumb to it. I would rather eat fuck all than give up the only thing i dream of for such a small compensation of my artistic soul leaving me. Same reason as a graphic designer i won't work for media pigs, i don't want my name associated with any of this world and its sheep like existence. Forget it, i'd rather be recognised for something i adore than something i do to fill my pockets.
plus i don't know if you've noticed im not great with the public, the sort of public that do glossy pretty princess shite weddings all with soft glow and white vignette, those people are my arch enemies, the sort ot look down their noses at me, middle class cunts. i do not wish to be slave girl to a bunch of cunts. tbh that's about the long and short of it.
I've got a wordpress blog thing going on at the moment, its for my fetish work, once its all up and live I'll post more!
Shoot next Thursday with chez & Kayleigh...prolly Maya too. going for the ultra sissy type thing, perhaps a bit of boob if i can get away with it lol
Right so yeah, posted some strong shit there....mind's a whirring tonight.....
oh and i nearly forgot i might have something called dissociative identity disorder, explains my multiple personalities and all that shizzle....here's a link D.I.D
So not all plain sailing at the moment, my head is a jumble sale.
Night Night xxx
p.s down to 12 richmond lights a day plus perhaps 10 single skin joints. not bad...xx
In all honesty I've not had a great week :( i had a falling out with a friend over something stupid and really wasn't worth it. ive had toothache on BOTH sides of my lower jaw so food has been hard to consume and drinking wasn't much better. I feel like i have neglected my spiritual side somewhat recently and need to correct that. i feel a failure at life in general, its dale's birthday and i cant even afford to get him a £10 game :( so i feel a cunt. I feel like my family are drifting further and further away. ive not spoken to my mum since my grandad's funeral, don't know why, just scared she's going to shout or have a go and i really really don't want to fight any more.
I feel desolate. void of real emotion. i cry a lot, just on my own. i did it a week or so ago at a friend's house, just burst into tears. I am also becoming less and less social. I have had problems with 'outside' for a while but recently it has taken on a completely new role. I constantly think about the car crashing and I'm going to die, i fill with anxiety from the min my seatbelt clicks in and doesn't really ease until i am at a safe destination, back home or a friends house. I know it's becoming a problem, i don't know how to stop it but if i was a flower my petals are truly grey and limp.....
Ah the fucking toothache. I am now sporting a inch long gap on my lower left, leaving me with 1 molar at the back and nothing till my incisors at the front, nothing, a massive fucking gap. i have the teeth of a tramp. I might well get a denture as i can see it already being a problem eating wise, ive got no bit on one side, the molar left on the back has no tooth matching it on top, that too was removed. At least i wont have toothache any more but then again i will have no teeth pretty soon.
its a big thing for me, its the past catching up with the present, yet another way of knowing i broke my body and it doesn't fit back together again, like a vase you broke and your missing just tiny slithers but it makes it incomplete a jumbled handful of pieces.
im worried people will notice, i am worried that the rest of my teeth will follow, will i dribble more? ive already noticed my bite is literally non-existence on the left now, i will eat like a mouse for now on. if i didn't already have problems with eating in front of people....
I need to say sorry to someone....Krishna, my lord i am sorry for not giving you the love and care expected from me of late and i hope to be forgiven by you, my gracious Krishna. I have felt empty the last few weeks where my attentions have been focused elsewhere. I need to bathe in your golden light, your rose petalled scent surrounding me. My Lord i live to serve others and share your light with them.
Hare Krishna!
I feel of late i am being criticised about the fact i do not work but have the opportunity too. I ALWAYS looked at photography as my expression and interaction with the world. A little bit of me is in every photo. I can't do weddings, christenings etc. Why? well you may well ask and i will give you my answer....I do not do them as i find the subject's utterly depressing, i hate family occasions, just reminds me of how shit my family life is, reminds me ill never have a child to christen and most of all, yes most of all...i will be selling my artistic soul to a media devil. I LOVE photography, i literally see a photo constantly, ever changing, shifting shadows, a prop constantly learning and adopting new practices. I really don't want to do pretty photos, I'll do them for friends and family but outsiders no ta! i can tell my niece's and nephew to move, smile shut up etc. this façade of niceness is shit and i WILL NOT succumb to it. I would rather eat fuck all than give up the only thing i dream of for such a small compensation of my artistic soul leaving me. Same reason as a graphic designer i won't work for media pigs, i don't want my name associated with any of this world and its sheep like existence. Forget it, i'd rather be recognised for something i adore than something i do to fill my pockets.
plus i don't know if you've noticed im not great with the public, the sort of public that do glossy pretty princess shite weddings all with soft glow and white vignette, those people are my arch enemies, the sort ot look down their noses at me, middle class cunts. i do not wish to be slave girl to a bunch of cunts. tbh that's about the long and short of it.
I've got a wordpress blog thing going on at the moment, its for my fetish work, once its all up and live I'll post more!
Shoot next Thursday with chez & Kayleigh...prolly Maya too. going for the ultra sissy type thing, perhaps a bit of boob if i can get away with it lol
Right so yeah, posted some strong shit there....mind's a whirring tonight.....
oh and i nearly forgot i might have something called dissociative identity disorder, explains my multiple personalities and all that shizzle....here's a link D.I.D
So not all plain sailing at the moment, my head is a jumble sale.
Night Night xxx
p.s down to 12 richmond lights a day plus perhaps 10 single skin joints. not bad...xx
Monday, 18 October 2010
where to start......
It's been a while sorry, been busy and well lazy.
Everything mental is kinda normal right now, no major hiccups or spazzy moments to write home about, going to see Dr C for a new meds at end of November, they think i may need a stronger anti-psychotic.
Nice.
Friends, well everything seems good atm. A few teething problems with a new friendship but other than that its going swimmingly.
I will freely talk about my friendships with people as i feel it gives a in depth look at my own behaviour.
I have a friend who is basically me 5 years ago, well parts of me anyway. I worry about it as some people are not as nice or as honest as i am. She is very reliant on approval from gift buying. Now many of you would say not to whinge, but i worry she is spending money that she needs in order to secure my friendship. This is not the case, she has my friendship 100% it doesn't matter if your rich or poor in my book, everyone is welcome to come get to know me, i judge no one until i am sure that my judgement is right and clear. I don't dissuade anyone to try and get to know me, i love people and i am a real social animal when i want to be. My only hang up's with people who bring up my personal problems and use them against me, lying, and attacking social class of a person.
I have spent a long time getting to know my friends and my best friends, we share everything together. What i don't know about Xander I prolly don't need to know or want too! lol
I dislike people trying to tell lies about me to MY friends. Liars are always found out in a friendship group that is completely transparent with each other.
I am fiercely loyal and love my friends to pieces. As i live so far away from my own family, my adopted local family are the ones who i turn to and would protect as if they are my sister or brother.
One friend, i am worried about. My little girl. Her hang up on drugs at the moment is getting out of hand and although i am part of her experience in finding drugs, I didn't realise she would become so centred on it. She is only young, i love her to pieces and i want her to achieve and have a good life. Being the party girl is fine, being the one who's remembered is great but do not do it at the cost of losing family, friends and your own self respect. I know you will read this my córka, you are one of the most special and beautiful girl in my life, i would never let anyone hurt you physically or emotionally. I will help you in anything you want me too, i will be there but i need you to hold my hand voluntarily i can't force you. You make me smile and feel happy, you make me feel old though! lol Sunday feeling you cuddled up against me, gave me a lump in my throat, its what i miss about my own sister and what i will never feel from my own daughter. Your precious to me and i want you to know that. I care and only want to help. I want to share experiences with you, but i am finding myself increasingly becoming worried about you and your behaviour especially with drugs. We shall talk at some time I'm sure. we will find the time.
right ermmm got a little tear down my face then...I'm such a homo sometimes.
I've had toothache for 3 weeks now....finally went to a dentist to be told i am having 2 teeth removed and my options are to have a huge gap between my bottom incisor and 1 tooth at the back. leaving me with one molar or a denture. I am 27 and i am going to have a denture. Wish i hadn't done all those drugs and sweets all these years. I am so paying for it now!
People don't realise that drug taking, yeah its fun its a lot of fun but if you get stupid then sorry to say they take effects. Personally drugs have effected my mental health, teeth, skin, stomach problems, nerve damage as well as carrying a lot of scars emotionally from problems with family and friends. Drugs really screwed my life up eventually and what 4 years later i still pay for it.
errghh......
However, i went out on Saturday to a house party held by a couple of friends. Now i have 2 social groups really a BDSM crowd and a Alt crowd, they mix well but certain things are lines not to be crossed although well at this party it did!
I got drunk, i have not been drunk in perhaps 2 years....I drank a bottle and a half of vodka....that is terrible i was smashed! I then proceeded to take an E and some AMT....recommended dose is about 50mg i took somewhere in the region of 200mg.....not dead so gather its ok. i do however worry about my poor little heart sometimes must be so fucked off with me. Spent a lot of time speaking with friends id not seen in months, ignoring one friend by complete accident and now paying for that mistake, i had however spent like a week with her and not seen the majority of my friends since July.
I miss crazy times, a lot. i do however realise that that lifestyle is not for me any more, i reckon if i continued in the party hard lifestyle give me 10 years and you'll be getting a invite to my funeral....sad but probably true.
there are 2 very different sides to my personality, a quiet, mature woman and a complete heathen whore! I am socially gregarious and bubbly. I love to mingle, i love to flirt...i kiss a lot, i touch a bit more and more than anything i laugh, i laugh really hard! Also it helps people find me hilarious, in a good way I'm not being laughed at as i don't act like a dick! i am a extreme pervert with no 'hard' intentions. I am a predator when it comes to women, i love girls any type really, just love girls. I kiss them if i can and more if they want. I like girls enough to say if i wasn't with Dale i do think i would be lesbian. i am also very rude about girls, i like to do naughty things to them be it a naughty little spank or a spread the legs I'm banging you sort of position!
Damn them girls!
is this enough of an update??? if someone wants to add more or ask me anything please do! xxx
oh here's a couple of photos......
Everything mental is kinda normal right now, no major hiccups or spazzy moments to write home about, going to see Dr C for a new meds at end of November, they think i may need a stronger anti-psychotic.
Nice.
Friends, well everything seems good atm. A few teething problems with a new friendship but other than that its going swimmingly.
I will freely talk about my friendships with people as i feel it gives a in depth look at my own behaviour.
I have a friend who is basically me 5 years ago, well parts of me anyway. I worry about it as some people are not as nice or as honest as i am. She is very reliant on approval from gift buying. Now many of you would say not to whinge, but i worry she is spending money that she needs in order to secure my friendship. This is not the case, she has my friendship 100% it doesn't matter if your rich or poor in my book, everyone is welcome to come get to know me, i judge no one until i am sure that my judgement is right and clear. I don't dissuade anyone to try and get to know me, i love people and i am a real social animal when i want to be. My only hang up's with people who bring up my personal problems and use them against me, lying, and attacking social class of a person.
I have spent a long time getting to know my friends and my best friends, we share everything together. What i don't know about Xander I prolly don't need to know or want too! lol
I dislike people trying to tell lies about me to MY friends. Liars are always found out in a friendship group that is completely transparent with each other.
I am fiercely loyal and love my friends to pieces. As i live so far away from my own family, my adopted local family are the ones who i turn to and would protect as if they are my sister or brother.
One friend, i am worried about. My little girl. Her hang up on drugs at the moment is getting out of hand and although i am part of her experience in finding drugs, I didn't realise she would become so centred on it. She is only young, i love her to pieces and i want her to achieve and have a good life. Being the party girl is fine, being the one who's remembered is great but do not do it at the cost of losing family, friends and your own self respect. I know you will read this my córka, you are one of the most special and beautiful girl in my life, i would never let anyone hurt you physically or emotionally. I will help you in anything you want me too, i will be there but i need you to hold my hand voluntarily i can't force you. You make me smile and feel happy, you make me feel old though! lol Sunday feeling you cuddled up against me, gave me a lump in my throat, its what i miss about my own sister and what i will never feel from my own daughter. Your precious to me and i want you to know that. I care and only want to help. I want to share experiences with you, but i am finding myself increasingly becoming worried about you and your behaviour especially with drugs. We shall talk at some time I'm sure. we will find the time.
right ermmm got a little tear down my face then...I'm such a homo sometimes.
I've had toothache for 3 weeks now....finally went to a dentist to be told i am having 2 teeth removed and my options are to have a huge gap between my bottom incisor and 1 tooth at the back. leaving me with one molar or a denture. I am 27 and i am going to have a denture. Wish i hadn't done all those drugs and sweets all these years. I am so paying for it now!
People don't realise that drug taking, yeah its fun its a lot of fun but if you get stupid then sorry to say they take effects. Personally drugs have effected my mental health, teeth, skin, stomach problems, nerve damage as well as carrying a lot of scars emotionally from problems with family and friends. Drugs really screwed my life up eventually and what 4 years later i still pay for it.
errghh......
However, i went out on Saturday to a house party held by a couple of friends. Now i have 2 social groups really a BDSM crowd and a Alt crowd, they mix well but certain things are lines not to be crossed although well at this party it did!
I got drunk, i have not been drunk in perhaps 2 years....I drank a bottle and a half of vodka....that is terrible i was smashed! I then proceeded to take an E and some AMT....recommended dose is about 50mg i took somewhere in the region of 200mg.....not dead so gather its ok. i do however worry about my poor little heart sometimes must be so fucked off with me. Spent a lot of time speaking with friends id not seen in months, ignoring one friend by complete accident and now paying for that mistake, i had however spent like a week with her and not seen the majority of my friends since July.
I miss crazy times, a lot. i do however realise that that lifestyle is not for me any more, i reckon if i continued in the party hard lifestyle give me 10 years and you'll be getting a invite to my funeral....sad but probably true.
there are 2 very different sides to my personality, a quiet, mature woman and a complete heathen whore! I am socially gregarious and bubbly. I love to mingle, i love to flirt...i kiss a lot, i touch a bit more and more than anything i laugh, i laugh really hard! Also it helps people find me hilarious, in a good way I'm not being laughed at as i don't act like a dick! i am a extreme pervert with no 'hard' intentions. I am a predator when it comes to women, i love girls any type really, just love girls. I kiss them if i can and more if they want. I like girls enough to say if i wasn't with Dale i do think i would be lesbian. i am also very rude about girls, i like to do naughty things to them be it a naughty little spank or a spread the legs I'm banging you sort of position!
Damn them girls!
is this enough of an update??? if someone wants to add more or ask me anything please do! xxx
oh here's a couple of photos......
Thursday, 30 September 2010
spazzy head....
I've got a problem....i think dale is trying to drug me......now i know this can't be happening but my mind keeps flicking it on and off....its to be honest a little frustrating and crazy.
My head is on full pelt at the moment..i can't stop thinking. my mind is totally full of stuff, fluff mainly but i dont know what to do.
I've met a girl, She's really nice and ever so sweet. She calls me Queen which is a term i like :) I love ot call her princess, i want ot make her dreams come true. She makes me smile, i want to share things with her. She enjoys the pervy thngs in life too, although i dont think she knows how pervy i really am!
i find a complete affinty with her, shes a little bit crazy like me and she needs closeness like me too.
Now this is not me leaving Dale, she knows that and i know that. I love Dale with all my heart but i need someone to provide the comfort and support i need. I need someone to give me cuddles, buy me little teddies that say 'i love you' i need that romance and well its never really been there with Dale. He knows about her and is happy that ive found someone to have the relationship i need with. its complete seperate and its more of a best friends thing, someone to love and hold.
Scary meeting someone i really get on with, we like the same stuff, we share music interests, she wants ot know more about my spirituality and just seems to be right. She does come across a bit mental at times, shes got a few baggage problems but i hope with my help she will get ironed out. She will be a lot happier once she's removed this excess she has. I've not even actually met her yet lol 13th is the big day lol see where it goes eh?
I am completely frazzled with my head at the moment, i'm the happiest i've been in a long while. I am just utterly bored with everything, ive lost my creative energy, a lull in the storm it seems. It's right shitty when i get like this, i feel useless and that other designers dont get this problem, but then again they are paid and given assignments, something i don't do...it's all stuff i wanted to do not had to do.
My photography is hitting a wall at the moment too, i need new stuff and i need it soon or well im feeling like packing it all in, its an expensive hobby for someone with no money.
Everything to do with my creativeness is going ot pot recently :( makes me proper sad.
I don't know what the delusions are, cause i know it cant be happening, does that mean it isn't? or am i just trying to hide my true feelings? I am so confused, these thoughts just pop up out of nowhere no rhyme or reason to them but i become convinced about them. I really do think each side of my brain is working seperately. i've always thought that, since being a kid. Cause i can be deadly certain of something then something else pops up to say thats not true, is that the lingering normal person, am i close to madness?? i don't know but it scares the living shit out of me.
I don't hear voices, just these random thoughts that become reality. things have been happening recently that are unexplainable, i made paper float in the air, i then had a stick which was stuck to my hand like magnets...things are getting proper freaky. Is it something i should talk about, people will just think im daft or mad one of the 2. In all honesty i dont think i am mental you know proper cuckoo but something is going on outside of my power.
So right now im scared of being awake and scared of being asleep, both activities produce different oddness. perfect. not.
My head is on full pelt at the moment..i can't stop thinking. my mind is totally full of stuff, fluff mainly but i dont know what to do.
I've met a girl, She's really nice and ever so sweet. She calls me Queen which is a term i like :) I love ot call her princess, i want ot make her dreams come true. She makes me smile, i want to share things with her. She enjoys the pervy thngs in life too, although i dont think she knows how pervy i really am!
i find a complete affinty with her, shes a little bit crazy like me and she needs closeness like me too.
Now this is not me leaving Dale, she knows that and i know that. I love Dale with all my heart but i need someone to provide the comfort and support i need. I need someone to give me cuddles, buy me little teddies that say 'i love you' i need that romance and well its never really been there with Dale. He knows about her and is happy that ive found someone to have the relationship i need with. its complete seperate and its more of a best friends thing, someone to love and hold.
Scary meeting someone i really get on with, we like the same stuff, we share music interests, she wants ot know more about my spirituality and just seems to be right. She does come across a bit mental at times, shes got a few baggage problems but i hope with my help she will get ironed out. She will be a lot happier once she's removed this excess she has. I've not even actually met her yet lol 13th is the big day lol see where it goes eh?
I am completely frazzled with my head at the moment, i'm the happiest i've been in a long while. I am just utterly bored with everything, ive lost my creative energy, a lull in the storm it seems. It's right shitty when i get like this, i feel useless and that other designers dont get this problem, but then again they are paid and given assignments, something i don't do...it's all stuff i wanted to do not had to do.
My photography is hitting a wall at the moment too, i need new stuff and i need it soon or well im feeling like packing it all in, its an expensive hobby for someone with no money.
Everything to do with my creativeness is going ot pot recently :( makes me proper sad.
I don't know what the delusions are, cause i know it cant be happening, does that mean it isn't? or am i just trying to hide my true feelings? I am so confused, these thoughts just pop up out of nowhere no rhyme or reason to them but i become convinced about them. I really do think each side of my brain is working seperately. i've always thought that, since being a kid. Cause i can be deadly certain of something then something else pops up to say thats not true, is that the lingering normal person, am i close to madness?? i don't know but it scares the living shit out of me.
I don't hear voices, just these random thoughts that become reality. things have been happening recently that are unexplainable, i made paper float in the air, i then had a stick which was stuck to my hand like magnets...things are getting proper freaky. Is it something i should talk about, people will just think im daft or mad one of the 2. In all honesty i dont think i am mental you know proper cuckoo but something is going on outside of my power.
So right now im scared of being awake and scared of being asleep, both activities produce different oddness. perfect. not.
Monday, 27 September 2010
My photography....Can you help??
I'm getting right fed up. I need to do more shoots with new models :( I've done like 4 or 5 this year and that's using 2 new models :( I need to get more experience doing portraits, I've got so many ideas and no one to play them out for me.
My shoots, well the ones that tell some sort of story or something are in fact photographic representation of my fantasy photo, not a sexual fantasy.....a art one, a perfect realization of something inside my head. It's so frustrating not being able to re-enact these with folk. The models i have worked with, each and ever one of them i would shoot again but some scenes need the right model....
Last year i was inundated with people wanting to do shoots with me, this year hardly any contact :( my location i know doesn't help but i am willing to travel but only a couple of hours away though, so London is well out of the question, yet that's where all the models are arrrgghhh!! we couldn't even afford to move there or near there, down south is horrendous for rental property.
Right now I've got a real craving for a shoot, its rattling about up there with loads of ideas and processing ideas too....
I need some more hardcore shoots too, gay, straight, orgy anything goes! I need some raw flesh to turn into some very erotica and sexy imagery. If you want to bare some flesh, either solo or with a partner let me know!
My style is coming into it's own now, I'm starting to get into a certain look with my photos, the look i want. It works for what i am trying to portray.
I want to do some edgy stuff, stuff you may not like to see but well it happens and someone likes it! knife play, hard BDSM etc. are all good in my eyes. I want to do some dual meaning photos too.
I need to find a investor. This is strongly apparent. I need to find someone who will put the money up for printing and framing so i can shift some of my work out into peoples homes etc. and make a bit of a name for myself. All money would be returned plus a profit.
I need to start making a bit of money from this. I need newer and better equipment. I am slightly embarrassed by my set up now, my camera is still a bit broken and in desperate need of replacing, my lights are a joke! They are 2 construction lights and a flood lamp from like the 60's! oh and i don't have a horseshoe flash, only the one on the camera. I've lost my white background, got nicked :( i need a new lens for portraiture work....the list is bloody endless and i will never afford these things unless i start making something from what i do. I don't want to take the piss or make a massive profit, just enough to be able to save and buy me some nice things to make better art.
I need to find some contacts in the adult and fetish industry. I need dungeons to want to work with me, official photographer at events, fet magazines etc. willing to do the work for free just for exposure. This is extremely hard as i don't frequent any scene :( again this is due to lack of cash....i need to get some leaflets, attend events and hand out flyers to people. There is so much i need to do, it goes on and on and in all honesty business stuff frightens me a little bit, i need a guiding hand and partner to go through things and do it right.
If you can model for me, be you a pro or first timer, a top class TS escort or a Fluffy! Everyone is welcome! If you own some photography equipment, lenses you know longer use, filters, flashes, backdrops anything that could be handy right down to simple bits of jewellery for shoots.... i would be eternally grateful to you and i would hope at some point be able to give you a framed print, signed and limited editions!
I may be able to pay for the postage etc. so please let me know and i will sort it.
Well there you go, some of my woes at the moment and i think why i am stuck a bit.....
Chin Up.
xxx
My shoots, well the ones that tell some sort of story or something are in fact photographic representation of my fantasy photo, not a sexual fantasy.....a art one, a perfect realization of something inside my head. It's so frustrating not being able to re-enact these with folk. The models i have worked with, each and ever one of them i would shoot again but some scenes need the right model....
Last year i was inundated with people wanting to do shoots with me, this year hardly any contact :( my location i know doesn't help but i am willing to travel but only a couple of hours away though, so London is well out of the question, yet that's where all the models are arrrgghhh!! we couldn't even afford to move there or near there, down south is horrendous for rental property.
Right now I've got a real craving for a shoot, its rattling about up there with loads of ideas and processing ideas too....
I need some more hardcore shoots too, gay, straight, orgy anything goes! I need some raw flesh to turn into some very erotica and sexy imagery. If you want to bare some flesh, either solo or with a partner let me know!
My style is coming into it's own now, I'm starting to get into a certain look with my photos, the look i want. It works for what i am trying to portray.
I want to do some edgy stuff, stuff you may not like to see but well it happens and someone likes it! knife play, hard BDSM etc. are all good in my eyes. I want to do some dual meaning photos too.
I need to find a investor. This is strongly apparent. I need to find someone who will put the money up for printing and framing so i can shift some of my work out into peoples homes etc. and make a bit of a name for myself. All money would be returned plus a profit.
I need to start making a bit of money from this. I need newer and better equipment. I am slightly embarrassed by my set up now, my camera is still a bit broken and in desperate need of replacing, my lights are a joke! They are 2 construction lights and a flood lamp from like the 60's! oh and i don't have a horseshoe flash, only the one on the camera. I've lost my white background, got nicked :( i need a new lens for portraiture work....the list is bloody endless and i will never afford these things unless i start making something from what i do. I don't want to take the piss or make a massive profit, just enough to be able to save and buy me some nice things to make better art.
I need to find some contacts in the adult and fetish industry. I need dungeons to want to work with me, official photographer at events, fet magazines etc. willing to do the work for free just for exposure. This is extremely hard as i don't frequent any scene :( again this is due to lack of cash....i need to get some leaflets, attend events and hand out flyers to people. There is so much i need to do, it goes on and on and in all honesty business stuff frightens me a little bit, i need a guiding hand and partner to go through things and do it right.
If you can model for me, be you a pro or first timer, a top class TS escort or a Fluffy! Everyone is welcome! If you own some photography equipment, lenses you know longer use, filters, flashes, backdrops anything that could be handy right down to simple bits of jewellery for shoots.... i would be eternally grateful to you and i would hope at some point be able to give you a framed print, signed and limited editions!
I may be able to pay for the postage etc. so please let me know and i will sort it.
Well there you go, some of my woes at the moment and i think why i am stuck a bit.....
Chin Up.
xxx
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Filthy boys and blonde girls!
Let's start this off by saying i am addicted to the new Grinderman album, the song palaces of Montezuma literally makes me fall off my chair and writhe around on the floor, my hips jerking and rising! It is currently the soundtrack to my depression.....
Saying that, it makes me feel alive, concentrated and a sort of dirty anger that makes me feel great!
There are a few men that really get me, you know the one's you would if the chance came about! lol i will list; Brian Molko, have done since about 12, spent most of my youth trying to look like him lol Nick Cave, cause he is masculine and i feel a bit awkward and deep, i like deep. Jonathan Rhys Myers, Velvet Goldmine is one of my favourite films and where i fell for the sultry eyed muthafucker! i like men who are men, i like strange facial hair, older men, the suit...oh a suit does it all for me! Thing is i also love faggoty men such as Brian, i love boys in dresses, whether they be acting like a lady or not! I've like trannies for a long time but a effeminate boy really has me hooked!
I like Girls too, i was in love with Sharleen Spitteri when i was about 15 - 16...i had a big poster of her i used to kiss....*shame* i like innocence, i like blondes, thin preferable, between 18 - 30, kooky like me and with a good heart. I don't really fancy famous women any more, they are unattainable and well i prefer someone i can corrupt lol
Can't you imagine Nick Cave looming over you, the dirty bedsheets, the stench of cigarette smoke and sweat, him pulling you down onto him, grabbing a fistful of hair as he....ohhhhhhh......lol
I like dirty, if you hadn't of gathered! I love sleaze, dirty sex shops, filthy perverts and sweaty, heady night of drugs and sex, latex optional! I am attracted to the filthier side of sex, the real, hot sex. I hate all this fucking in beds....i remember the days of a living room with a matress and a orgy going on, the hands moving over you, biting your nipple...its all rather sordid but you know snorting lines of some random slut's arse is fucking fantastic!
I either want to be in control or out of control....i do not wish to be controlled. I want to be used like a whore, but in the morning brought a cup of tea and a paracetamol!
Sex is a dangerous tool, ive used it to my advantage and well disadvantage...i've had some amazing experiences and some downright miserable times all down to my fanny! I've sold it, poked it, hurt it, enjoyed it and loved it! sex can be used to humiliate, entice, greed and love. your choice which one.....
right, im off for a bath, have a think......xxx
Saying that, it makes me feel alive, concentrated and a sort of dirty anger that makes me feel great!
There are a few men that really get me, you know the one's you would if the chance came about! lol i will list; Brian Molko, have done since about 12, spent most of my youth trying to look like him lol Nick Cave, cause he is masculine and i feel a bit awkward and deep, i like deep. Jonathan Rhys Myers, Velvet Goldmine is one of my favourite films and where i fell for the sultry eyed muthafucker! i like men who are men, i like strange facial hair, older men, the suit...oh a suit does it all for me! Thing is i also love faggoty men such as Brian, i love boys in dresses, whether they be acting like a lady or not! I've like trannies for a long time but a effeminate boy really has me hooked!
I like Girls too, i was in love with Sharleen Spitteri when i was about 15 - 16...i had a big poster of her i used to kiss....*shame* i like innocence, i like blondes, thin preferable, between 18 - 30, kooky like me and with a good heart. I don't really fancy famous women any more, they are unattainable and well i prefer someone i can corrupt lol
Can't you imagine Nick Cave looming over you, the dirty bedsheets, the stench of cigarette smoke and sweat, him pulling you down onto him, grabbing a fistful of hair as he....ohhhhhhh......lol
I like dirty, if you hadn't of gathered! I love sleaze, dirty sex shops, filthy perverts and sweaty, heady night of drugs and sex, latex optional! I am attracted to the filthier side of sex, the real, hot sex. I hate all this fucking in beds....i remember the days of a living room with a matress and a orgy going on, the hands moving over you, biting your nipple...its all rather sordid but you know snorting lines of some random slut's arse is fucking fantastic!
I either want to be in control or out of control....i do not wish to be controlled. I want to be used like a whore, but in the morning brought a cup of tea and a paracetamol!
Sex is a dangerous tool, ive used it to my advantage and well disadvantage...i've had some amazing experiences and some downright miserable times all down to my fanny! I've sold it, poked it, hurt it, enjoyed it and loved it! sex can be used to humiliate, entice, greed and love. your choice which one.....
right, im off for a bath, have a think......xxx
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)