Today is another day of depression.....i can't seem to see past a few hours, my mind is constantly distracted, i feel completely knackered and I've only just got up!
I've been on the steady descent to the pit of depression since last Friday, it's slowly got worse up to yesterday where i knew i was in a bad one.
Dale dropped me at X & M's at about 2.30 by 5.30 i was on my way home. Now this in no way X & M's fault, i thought i wanted to go out and be with friends, try and cheer myself up and well it didn't work...i started missing dale, then all i could think about was my sister and how i felt helpless and want to be close to her, she needs me and i need her.
There's also a alcohol problem surfacing at home (Oxford) and a drug addiction...i just feel i should be there and to help my family, i feel so guilty. The thing is i can't afford to live there, for the £500 we pay here we would be getting a 2 bed flat at a push in Abingdon :( so it just doesn't make sense.
I want her ot move up here, it would do her so much good, the kids would get a better childhood and education, she would find friends like her not the sad sacks in abingdon. My sister is not for the townie lifestyle, her sister showed her the outside world and she knows there is something better out there.
Right, yeah back to why i had to go home...i basically started feeling very out of place, sad and panic. I, on reflection NEED dale. I am completely dependant on him, he literally props me up. Sounds sad, I've lost my independence but let's be honest when i had it i ran around like a headless chicken! But when you need to hold hands to cross the road cause i can wander or miss the moment but still cross, ive nearly been killed a few times! I worry desperately about the fact i am not the strong, independent woman i once was. In my opinion i am now a very weak, constantly ill BUT i am the happiest ive been in years, so perhaps this relationship lark is for me, who knows....ive been with dale for nearly 4 years! that's the longest ever lol
Anyway, dale came and i immediately went for a cuddle and just started blubbing. I love him so much.
I think i've got something really wrong with me :( I've seen a dramatic decrease in my health over the last few months not just mentally but physically. My grandad and my Aunty both died due to Cancer and its made me ultra paranoid. I've got a strange lump on my leg, it looks like it was perhaps a mole but its huge now...i am going ot go to the doctors, don't worry. I've also been having a lot of problems with my downbelowsies....which can be an indication of Cancer :( It is really worrying me, i am scared of going ot the doctor but i also worry that the doctor won't take me seriously as ive had so much go wrong this year due to it and the fact i am a paranoid person....it may well be nothing but its really scaring me....i thank my lucky stars i wake up in the morning..Sometimes i wish i didn't though, a sort of a begrudging feeling i didn't die. I think about death a lot, all sorts to do with it....i won't bore you with details but some of it is rather disturbing and some of it is the most religious experience...
I am in Fear. Fear is my enemy and i must tackle it head on and ask that Krishna guide me through my dark days and steer me into his ever-loving light.
I'm smoking less, about 20 over 2 days now....not bad seeing as I'm not trying and i am now going down to king size and lights! i will get off the fags!!
ermmm, yeah just thought i needed to clear my head a bit, so thanks and if you read this then leave a comment, it cheers me up :)
Hare Krishna! xxx
Oh and this is the best album this year by far! A true gem! I really fucking love Nick Cave! lol http://www.grinderman.com/
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Monday, 20 September 2010
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
She's going to take on the world.....
Right, tonight i had my worst fears confirmed. Alex Jones (yes the mental man with a speaker phone) has shown proof of the dosing of mercury, lithium and prozac to produce bio-enhanced humans.
These drugs have already been introduced in the water supply in the states, how scary is that?!
I have correctly predicted a few events such as this one, this one is a subject close to my heart. I am a heavily medicated person, without my drugs i wouldn't be sat here talking to you, i would probably be in a room dribbling! i am not well at all without medication. IF i knew what i know now about drug induced passivity i would never have taken what they prescribed. I began thinking about concealing drugs in food and water several years ago. I also believe they are happy to stick people on 'lightweight' anti-depressants for years due to the fact if you shout out, protest against what needs to be said to help us survive you can be pinned as a maniac and ultimately will be committed to a government facility to be 'processed'.
Now i know that sounds far fetched but we do have the technology to do this to people, genetically modifing the human mind. Stopping receptors from receiving important information passed onto us through various naturally occurring chemicals in our brain.
Suppressing the human race is the start, getting us all to submit and those few who stand up and speak out will be shamed and in all honesty when this happens i think there will be camps, places for the likes of me to go and live my life until they decide to turn the switch on us.
Once these revolutionaries are removed from society and all you are left with are the 'sheep'. We will be controlled even further through medication and chemicals in our food and water.
They want full control of us. To be able to control population, businesses and the world's economy. This is far into the future but it is coming towards us at a fast rate as less of us are listening to the FACTS.
The world is media driven, we watch TV, on the internet everything is controlled. This blog will prolly flag up on the governments watch list as I've used Alex Jones name. We believe what we are told by the tabloids, by the woman vacantly telling us about the blood shed in Iraq, Iran and other countries. we have become detached to reality and are being led blind into the slaughter house. Is this where you want to go?
I know for a fact i wish to fight my corner the best i can. I'm controlled by my drugs completely but luckily for me i still retain my mind, my break through thinking.
I know you must be thinking i am mental so don't listen but google lithium water supply and you'll get references from big sites claiming how the trials have proved successful. It won't be long till the UK follow suit, if it already hasn't.
The NEW biological modified human is here, if only in a small way. If you accept this then phase 2 will be upon us sooner than we think. Pushing for the new world order and making drones from birth will soon be here.
I have always beleived i am watched as i have been visited by beings since a child. My first experience was as a 4 year old and my mother saw it also. it was a big orange ball with a piece cut out, huge, as big as a football pitch. I have seen this regularly since then. My last visit was about april this year, where dale witnessed the craft himself. These are NOT in my mind people i do not have special powers to play with peoples visions. Joint hallucinations are rare and seeing as ive had 3 people in total see this craft, i can't be imagining it.
Now i do not think i am special nor rare. i believe that the beings are collecting information, our feelings and memories. When they come i get a very calm feeling, a serene open feeling and when they go i feel slightly sad but happy, really happy. its like they set the reset button.
I think there are millions of subjects just like me who are visited and harvested of emotions and memories.
I also strongly believe that the government knows about this. I am a flagged person. government bodies such as hospitals, doctors, police etc know of me, flagged as a revolutionary, someone to watch. Hence why i was heavily medicated by them whilst incapable of making a proper decision. they got a chance to get me into the system so i can be named as a mental if i speak out.
Read up on this, look into drug programs and the ways they are entering chemicals that effect our brain's function into our most basic things.
Look into the new world order, watch the films that you are able to download for free most of the time.
If you want to raise an issue with me, agree or disagree please leave a comment.
It's time to stop this! Share this blog or share a Alex Jones video, search his name on youtube.
xxxx
These drugs have already been introduced in the water supply in the states, how scary is that?!
I have correctly predicted a few events such as this one, this one is a subject close to my heart. I am a heavily medicated person, without my drugs i wouldn't be sat here talking to you, i would probably be in a room dribbling! i am not well at all without medication. IF i knew what i know now about drug induced passivity i would never have taken what they prescribed. I began thinking about concealing drugs in food and water several years ago. I also believe they are happy to stick people on 'lightweight' anti-depressants for years due to the fact if you shout out, protest against what needs to be said to help us survive you can be pinned as a maniac and ultimately will be committed to a government facility to be 'processed'.
Now i know that sounds far fetched but we do have the technology to do this to people, genetically modifing the human mind. Stopping receptors from receiving important information passed onto us through various naturally occurring chemicals in our brain.
Suppressing the human race is the start, getting us all to submit and those few who stand up and speak out will be shamed and in all honesty when this happens i think there will be camps, places for the likes of me to go and live my life until they decide to turn the switch on us.
Once these revolutionaries are removed from society and all you are left with are the 'sheep'. We will be controlled even further through medication and chemicals in our food and water.
They want full control of us. To be able to control population, businesses and the world's economy. This is far into the future but it is coming towards us at a fast rate as less of us are listening to the FACTS.
The world is media driven, we watch TV, on the internet everything is controlled. This blog will prolly flag up on the governments watch list as I've used Alex Jones name. We believe what we are told by the tabloids, by the woman vacantly telling us about the blood shed in Iraq, Iran and other countries. we have become detached to reality and are being led blind into the slaughter house. Is this where you want to go?
I know for a fact i wish to fight my corner the best i can. I'm controlled by my drugs completely but luckily for me i still retain my mind, my break through thinking.
I know you must be thinking i am mental so don't listen but google lithium water supply and you'll get references from big sites claiming how the trials have proved successful. It won't be long till the UK follow suit, if it already hasn't.
The NEW biological modified human is here, if only in a small way. If you accept this then phase 2 will be upon us sooner than we think. Pushing for the new world order and making drones from birth will soon be here.
I have always beleived i am watched as i have been visited by beings since a child. My first experience was as a 4 year old and my mother saw it also. it was a big orange ball with a piece cut out, huge, as big as a football pitch. I have seen this regularly since then. My last visit was about april this year, where dale witnessed the craft himself. These are NOT in my mind people i do not have special powers to play with peoples visions. Joint hallucinations are rare and seeing as ive had 3 people in total see this craft, i can't be imagining it.
Now i do not think i am special nor rare. i believe that the beings are collecting information, our feelings and memories. When they come i get a very calm feeling, a serene open feeling and when they go i feel slightly sad but happy, really happy. its like they set the reset button.
I think there are millions of subjects just like me who are visited and harvested of emotions and memories.
I also strongly believe that the government knows about this. I am a flagged person. government bodies such as hospitals, doctors, police etc know of me, flagged as a revolutionary, someone to watch. Hence why i was heavily medicated by them whilst incapable of making a proper decision. they got a chance to get me into the system so i can be named as a mental if i speak out.
Read up on this, look into drug programs and the ways they are entering chemicals that effect our brain's function into our most basic things.
Look into the new world order, watch the films that you are able to download for free most of the time.
If you want to raise an issue with me, agree or disagree please leave a comment.
It's time to stop this! Share this blog or share a Alex Jones video, search his name on youtube.
xxxx
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