It's my birthday today, yep I have made it to the grand old age of 27! I can think back to being 16 and wishing I was older, wanting to be a big grown up.....tbh I would kill for a week as my 16 year old me lol With all my aches, pains and mental health things, I feel old!
Now I'm not going to be one of those silly women who are 30 about 10 times, i will age with some sort of grace. I don't dare think of being elegant and classy. I am possibly the least classy person you will ever know! I feel older though, i think I've always been 45 tbh, even when i was 14 i had friends in their 30's, you know i spent more time with some of my friends mum's than my actual friends!
I grew up quick, i had too. no choice really, it had to be done. sadly i think i made up for it in my early adulthood by burning the candle at both ends. These days yeah i have my wild times but the days of weeks of binging and being high is long gone. i couldn't cope! lol
being the grown up though does have its positives. The main one being, i am getting to the age where i can give advice, show people the wreck and ruin i came from and try and steer them clear. My friendship with Maya for example, She is 16, such a young, tender and foolish age! Now Maya you know i love you right but take heed my small one! at 16 we talk shit, make stories up, lie through our teeth and more often than not we are caught out. Your 16 please live your life as a 16 year old, get drunk, snog boys and experiment. You don't need to pretend, its ok we know the truth we've been there too. Don't worry your not alone, some people my age are still talking shit! lol My relationship with Maya is a little strange. She is my friend but i have warmed to her in a more motherly way. I can see so much of myself in her the waywardness and the white lies. They are paper thin at the best of times lol I just don't want her to fall down the dark paths i did. i want her to gain the experience i had but with a adult at hand to sort things out and so it doesn't become too much.
I worry about her, i want to show her how to be a grown up without the failing bit! lol i know you have to fail sometimes but i want to do a bit of damage limitation. If she is in love with my best friend then it is my duty to protect her also. If she makes my xander happy then she is worth protecting like a precious gem.
How have we got here??
fuck knows.
Anyway its my birthday, im not partying, i don't even think ill get many cards and certainly no presents! too skint!
So its night night from me and lets hope everyone is a happy camper in the morning! xxxx
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