I'll share a few pics here but please come over to the site http://www.getkinky.us/franceslaneerotica please use the like buttons for facebook and subscribe to my feed!
Woohoo! xxx
Saturday 30 October 2010
Wanna let you know!
I have a NEW blog! It is for my photography, my portraits etc Thanks to those at getkinky.us for giving me the space to show people my work again! Having the space back gave me the perfect excuse for a shoot....Chez & Kayleigh are featured in the new lesbian tryst shoot! It gets very kinky!
I'll share a few pics here but please come over to the site http://www.getkinky.us/franceslaneerotica please use the like buttons for facebook and subscribe to my feed!
Woohoo! xxx
I'll share a few pics here but please come over to the site http://www.getkinky.us/franceslaneerotica please use the like buttons for facebook and subscribe to my feed!
Woohoo! xxx
Friday 22 October 2010
winter blues are early....
trying not to make it too long between posts, trying to keep some sort of order in my head.
In all honesty I've not had a great week :( i had a falling out with a friend over something stupid and really wasn't worth it. ive had toothache on BOTH sides of my lower jaw so food has been hard to consume and drinking wasn't much better. I feel like i have neglected my spiritual side somewhat recently and need to correct that. i feel a failure at life in general, its dale's birthday and i cant even afford to get him a £10 game :( so i feel a cunt. I feel like my family are drifting further and further away. ive not spoken to my mum since my grandad's funeral, don't know why, just scared she's going to shout or have a go and i really really don't want to fight any more.
I feel desolate. void of real emotion. i cry a lot, just on my own. i did it a week or so ago at a friend's house, just burst into tears. I am also becoming less and less social. I have had problems with 'outside' for a while but recently it has taken on a completely new role. I constantly think about the car crashing and I'm going to die, i fill with anxiety from the min my seatbelt clicks in and doesn't really ease until i am at a safe destination, back home or a friends house. I know it's becoming a problem, i don't know how to stop it but if i was a flower my petals are truly grey and limp.....
Ah the fucking toothache. I am now sporting a inch long gap on my lower left, leaving me with 1 molar at the back and nothing till my incisors at the front, nothing, a massive fucking gap. i have the teeth of a tramp. I might well get a denture as i can see it already being a problem eating wise, ive got no bit on one side, the molar left on the back has no tooth matching it on top, that too was removed. At least i wont have toothache any more but then again i will have no teeth pretty soon.
its a big thing for me, its the past catching up with the present, yet another way of knowing i broke my body and it doesn't fit back together again, like a vase you broke and your missing just tiny slithers but it makes it incomplete a jumbled handful of pieces.
im worried people will notice, i am worried that the rest of my teeth will follow, will i dribble more? ive already noticed my bite is literally non-existence on the left now, i will eat like a mouse for now on. if i didn't already have problems with eating in front of people....
I need to say sorry to someone....Krishna, my lord i am sorry for not giving you the love and care expected from me of late and i hope to be forgiven by you, my gracious Krishna. I have felt empty the last few weeks where my attentions have been focused elsewhere. I need to bathe in your golden light, your rose petalled scent surrounding me. My Lord i live to serve others and share your light with them.
Hare Krishna!
I feel of late i am being criticised about the fact i do not work but have the opportunity too. I ALWAYS looked at photography as my expression and interaction with the world. A little bit of me is in every photo. I can't do weddings, christenings etc. Why? well you may well ask and i will give you my answer....I do not do them as i find the subject's utterly depressing, i hate family occasions, just reminds me of how shit my family life is, reminds me ill never have a child to christen and most of all, yes most of all...i will be selling my artistic soul to a media devil. I LOVE photography, i literally see a photo constantly, ever changing, shifting shadows, a prop constantly learning and adopting new practices. I really don't want to do pretty photos, I'll do them for friends and family but outsiders no ta! i can tell my niece's and nephew to move, smile shut up etc. this façade of niceness is shit and i WILL NOT succumb to it. I would rather eat fuck all than give up the only thing i dream of for such a small compensation of my artistic soul leaving me. Same reason as a graphic designer i won't work for media pigs, i don't want my name associated with any of this world and its sheep like existence. Forget it, i'd rather be recognised for something i adore than something i do to fill my pockets.
plus i don't know if you've noticed im not great with the public, the sort of public that do glossy pretty princess shite weddings all with soft glow and white vignette, those people are my arch enemies, the sort ot look down their noses at me, middle class cunts. i do not wish to be slave girl to a bunch of cunts. tbh that's about the long and short of it.
I've got a wordpress blog thing going on at the moment, its for my fetish work, once its all up and live I'll post more!
Shoot next Thursday with chez & Kayleigh...prolly Maya too. going for the ultra sissy type thing, perhaps a bit of boob if i can get away with it lol
Right so yeah, posted some strong shit there....mind's a whirring tonight.....
oh and i nearly forgot i might have something called dissociative identity disorder, explains my multiple personalities and all that shizzle....here's a link D.I.D
So not all plain sailing at the moment, my head is a jumble sale.
Night Night xxx
p.s down to 12 richmond lights a day plus perhaps 10 single skin joints. not bad...xx
In all honesty I've not had a great week :( i had a falling out with a friend over something stupid and really wasn't worth it. ive had toothache on BOTH sides of my lower jaw so food has been hard to consume and drinking wasn't much better. I feel like i have neglected my spiritual side somewhat recently and need to correct that. i feel a failure at life in general, its dale's birthday and i cant even afford to get him a £10 game :( so i feel a cunt. I feel like my family are drifting further and further away. ive not spoken to my mum since my grandad's funeral, don't know why, just scared she's going to shout or have a go and i really really don't want to fight any more.
I feel desolate. void of real emotion. i cry a lot, just on my own. i did it a week or so ago at a friend's house, just burst into tears. I am also becoming less and less social. I have had problems with 'outside' for a while but recently it has taken on a completely new role. I constantly think about the car crashing and I'm going to die, i fill with anxiety from the min my seatbelt clicks in and doesn't really ease until i am at a safe destination, back home or a friends house. I know it's becoming a problem, i don't know how to stop it but if i was a flower my petals are truly grey and limp.....
Ah the fucking toothache. I am now sporting a inch long gap on my lower left, leaving me with 1 molar at the back and nothing till my incisors at the front, nothing, a massive fucking gap. i have the teeth of a tramp. I might well get a denture as i can see it already being a problem eating wise, ive got no bit on one side, the molar left on the back has no tooth matching it on top, that too was removed. At least i wont have toothache any more but then again i will have no teeth pretty soon.
its a big thing for me, its the past catching up with the present, yet another way of knowing i broke my body and it doesn't fit back together again, like a vase you broke and your missing just tiny slithers but it makes it incomplete a jumbled handful of pieces.
im worried people will notice, i am worried that the rest of my teeth will follow, will i dribble more? ive already noticed my bite is literally non-existence on the left now, i will eat like a mouse for now on. if i didn't already have problems with eating in front of people....
I need to say sorry to someone....Krishna, my lord i am sorry for not giving you the love and care expected from me of late and i hope to be forgiven by you, my gracious Krishna. I have felt empty the last few weeks where my attentions have been focused elsewhere. I need to bathe in your golden light, your rose petalled scent surrounding me. My Lord i live to serve others and share your light with them.
Hare Krishna!
I feel of late i am being criticised about the fact i do not work but have the opportunity too. I ALWAYS looked at photography as my expression and interaction with the world. A little bit of me is in every photo. I can't do weddings, christenings etc. Why? well you may well ask and i will give you my answer....I do not do them as i find the subject's utterly depressing, i hate family occasions, just reminds me of how shit my family life is, reminds me ill never have a child to christen and most of all, yes most of all...i will be selling my artistic soul to a media devil. I LOVE photography, i literally see a photo constantly, ever changing, shifting shadows, a prop constantly learning and adopting new practices. I really don't want to do pretty photos, I'll do them for friends and family but outsiders no ta! i can tell my niece's and nephew to move, smile shut up etc. this façade of niceness is shit and i WILL NOT succumb to it. I would rather eat fuck all than give up the only thing i dream of for such a small compensation of my artistic soul leaving me. Same reason as a graphic designer i won't work for media pigs, i don't want my name associated with any of this world and its sheep like existence. Forget it, i'd rather be recognised for something i adore than something i do to fill my pockets.
plus i don't know if you've noticed im not great with the public, the sort of public that do glossy pretty princess shite weddings all with soft glow and white vignette, those people are my arch enemies, the sort ot look down their noses at me, middle class cunts. i do not wish to be slave girl to a bunch of cunts. tbh that's about the long and short of it.
I've got a wordpress blog thing going on at the moment, its for my fetish work, once its all up and live I'll post more!
Shoot next Thursday with chez & Kayleigh...prolly Maya too. going for the ultra sissy type thing, perhaps a bit of boob if i can get away with it lol
Right so yeah, posted some strong shit there....mind's a whirring tonight.....
oh and i nearly forgot i might have something called dissociative identity disorder, explains my multiple personalities and all that shizzle....here's a link D.I.D
So not all plain sailing at the moment, my head is a jumble sale.
Night Night xxx
p.s down to 12 richmond lights a day plus perhaps 10 single skin joints. not bad...xx
Monday 18 October 2010
where to start......
It's been a while sorry, been busy and well lazy.
Everything mental is kinda normal right now, no major hiccups or spazzy moments to write home about, going to see Dr C for a new meds at end of November, they think i may need a stronger anti-psychotic.
Nice.
Friends, well everything seems good atm. A few teething problems with a new friendship but other than that its going swimmingly.
I will freely talk about my friendships with people as i feel it gives a in depth look at my own behaviour.
I have a friend who is basically me 5 years ago, well parts of me anyway. I worry about it as some people are not as nice or as honest as i am. She is very reliant on approval from gift buying. Now many of you would say not to whinge, but i worry she is spending money that she needs in order to secure my friendship. This is not the case, she has my friendship 100% it doesn't matter if your rich or poor in my book, everyone is welcome to come get to know me, i judge no one until i am sure that my judgement is right and clear. I don't dissuade anyone to try and get to know me, i love people and i am a real social animal when i want to be. My only hang up's with people who bring up my personal problems and use them against me, lying, and attacking social class of a person.
I have spent a long time getting to know my friends and my best friends, we share everything together. What i don't know about Xander I prolly don't need to know or want too! lol
I dislike people trying to tell lies about me to MY friends. Liars are always found out in a friendship group that is completely transparent with each other.
I am fiercely loyal and love my friends to pieces. As i live so far away from my own family, my adopted local family are the ones who i turn to and would protect as if they are my sister or brother.
One friend, i am worried about. My little girl. Her hang up on drugs at the moment is getting out of hand and although i am part of her experience in finding drugs, I didn't realise she would become so centred on it. She is only young, i love her to pieces and i want her to achieve and have a good life. Being the party girl is fine, being the one who's remembered is great but do not do it at the cost of losing family, friends and your own self respect. I know you will read this my córka, you are one of the most special and beautiful girl in my life, i would never let anyone hurt you physically or emotionally. I will help you in anything you want me too, i will be there but i need you to hold my hand voluntarily i can't force you. You make me smile and feel happy, you make me feel old though! lol Sunday feeling you cuddled up against me, gave me a lump in my throat, its what i miss about my own sister and what i will never feel from my own daughter. Your precious to me and i want you to know that. I care and only want to help. I want to share experiences with you, but i am finding myself increasingly becoming worried about you and your behaviour especially with drugs. We shall talk at some time I'm sure. we will find the time.
right ermmm got a little tear down my face then...I'm such a homo sometimes.
I've had toothache for 3 weeks now....finally went to a dentist to be told i am having 2 teeth removed and my options are to have a huge gap between my bottom incisor and 1 tooth at the back. leaving me with one molar or a denture. I am 27 and i am going to have a denture. Wish i hadn't done all those drugs and sweets all these years. I am so paying for it now!
People don't realise that drug taking, yeah its fun its a lot of fun but if you get stupid then sorry to say they take effects. Personally drugs have effected my mental health, teeth, skin, stomach problems, nerve damage as well as carrying a lot of scars emotionally from problems with family and friends. Drugs really screwed my life up eventually and what 4 years later i still pay for it.
errghh......
However, i went out on Saturday to a house party held by a couple of friends. Now i have 2 social groups really a BDSM crowd and a Alt crowd, they mix well but certain things are lines not to be crossed although well at this party it did!
I got drunk, i have not been drunk in perhaps 2 years....I drank a bottle and a half of vodka....that is terrible i was smashed! I then proceeded to take an E and some AMT....recommended dose is about 50mg i took somewhere in the region of 200mg.....not dead so gather its ok. i do however worry about my poor little heart sometimes must be so fucked off with me. Spent a lot of time speaking with friends id not seen in months, ignoring one friend by complete accident and now paying for that mistake, i had however spent like a week with her and not seen the majority of my friends since July.
I miss crazy times, a lot. i do however realise that that lifestyle is not for me any more, i reckon if i continued in the party hard lifestyle give me 10 years and you'll be getting a invite to my funeral....sad but probably true.
there are 2 very different sides to my personality, a quiet, mature woman and a complete heathen whore! I am socially gregarious and bubbly. I love to mingle, i love to flirt...i kiss a lot, i touch a bit more and more than anything i laugh, i laugh really hard! Also it helps people find me hilarious, in a good way I'm not being laughed at as i don't act like a dick! i am a extreme pervert with no 'hard' intentions. I am a predator when it comes to women, i love girls any type really, just love girls. I kiss them if i can and more if they want. I like girls enough to say if i wasn't with Dale i do think i would be lesbian. i am also very rude about girls, i like to do naughty things to them be it a naughty little spank or a spread the legs I'm banging you sort of position!
Damn them girls!
is this enough of an update??? if someone wants to add more or ask me anything please do! xxx
oh here's a couple of photos......
Everything mental is kinda normal right now, no major hiccups or spazzy moments to write home about, going to see Dr C for a new meds at end of November, they think i may need a stronger anti-psychotic.
Nice.
Friends, well everything seems good atm. A few teething problems with a new friendship but other than that its going swimmingly.
I will freely talk about my friendships with people as i feel it gives a in depth look at my own behaviour.
I have a friend who is basically me 5 years ago, well parts of me anyway. I worry about it as some people are not as nice or as honest as i am. She is very reliant on approval from gift buying. Now many of you would say not to whinge, but i worry she is spending money that she needs in order to secure my friendship. This is not the case, she has my friendship 100% it doesn't matter if your rich or poor in my book, everyone is welcome to come get to know me, i judge no one until i am sure that my judgement is right and clear. I don't dissuade anyone to try and get to know me, i love people and i am a real social animal when i want to be. My only hang up's with people who bring up my personal problems and use them against me, lying, and attacking social class of a person.
I have spent a long time getting to know my friends and my best friends, we share everything together. What i don't know about Xander I prolly don't need to know or want too! lol
I dislike people trying to tell lies about me to MY friends. Liars are always found out in a friendship group that is completely transparent with each other.
I am fiercely loyal and love my friends to pieces. As i live so far away from my own family, my adopted local family are the ones who i turn to and would protect as if they are my sister or brother.
One friend, i am worried about. My little girl. Her hang up on drugs at the moment is getting out of hand and although i am part of her experience in finding drugs, I didn't realise she would become so centred on it. She is only young, i love her to pieces and i want her to achieve and have a good life. Being the party girl is fine, being the one who's remembered is great but do not do it at the cost of losing family, friends and your own self respect. I know you will read this my córka, you are one of the most special and beautiful girl in my life, i would never let anyone hurt you physically or emotionally. I will help you in anything you want me too, i will be there but i need you to hold my hand voluntarily i can't force you. You make me smile and feel happy, you make me feel old though! lol Sunday feeling you cuddled up against me, gave me a lump in my throat, its what i miss about my own sister and what i will never feel from my own daughter. Your precious to me and i want you to know that. I care and only want to help. I want to share experiences with you, but i am finding myself increasingly becoming worried about you and your behaviour especially with drugs. We shall talk at some time I'm sure. we will find the time.
right ermmm got a little tear down my face then...I'm such a homo sometimes.
I've had toothache for 3 weeks now....finally went to a dentist to be told i am having 2 teeth removed and my options are to have a huge gap between my bottom incisor and 1 tooth at the back. leaving me with one molar or a denture. I am 27 and i am going to have a denture. Wish i hadn't done all those drugs and sweets all these years. I am so paying for it now!
People don't realise that drug taking, yeah its fun its a lot of fun but if you get stupid then sorry to say they take effects. Personally drugs have effected my mental health, teeth, skin, stomach problems, nerve damage as well as carrying a lot of scars emotionally from problems with family and friends. Drugs really screwed my life up eventually and what 4 years later i still pay for it.
errghh......
However, i went out on Saturday to a house party held by a couple of friends. Now i have 2 social groups really a BDSM crowd and a Alt crowd, they mix well but certain things are lines not to be crossed although well at this party it did!
I got drunk, i have not been drunk in perhaps 2 years....I drank a bottle and a half of vodka....that is terrible i was smashed! I then proceeded to take an E and some AMT....recommended dose is about 50mg i took somewhere in the region of 200mg.....not dead so gather its ok. i do however worry about my poor little heart sometimes must be so fucked off with me. Spent a lot of time speaking with friends id not seen in months, ignoring one friend by complete accident and now paying for that mistake, i had however spent like a week with her and not seen the majority of my friends since July.
I miss crazy times, a lot. i do however realise that that lifestyle is not for me any more, i reckon if i continued in the party hard lifestyle give me 10 years and you'll be getting a invite to my funeral....sad but probably true.
there are 2 very different sides to my personality, a quiet, mature woman and a complete heathen whore! I am socially gregarious and bubbly. I love to mingle, i love to flirt...i kiss a lot, i touch a bit more and more than anything i laugh, i laugh really hard! Also it helps people find me hilarious, in a good way I'm not being laughed at as i don't act like a dick! i am a extreme pervert with no 'hard' intentions. I am a predator when it comes to women, i love girls any type really, just love girls. I kiss them if i can and more if they want. I like girls enough to say if i wasn't with Dale i do think i would be lesbian. i am also very rude about girls, i like to do naughty things to them be it a naughty little spank or a spread the legs I'm banging you sort of position!
Damn them girls!
is this enough of an update??? if someone wants to add more or ask me anything please do! xxx
oh here's a couple of photos......
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