Everything mental is kinda normal right now, no major hiccups or spazzy moments to write home about, going to see Dr C for a new meds at end of November, they think i may need a stronger anti-psychotic.
Nice.
Friends, well everything seems good atm. A few teething problems with a new friendship but other than that its going swimmingly.
I will freely talk about my friendships with people as i feel it gives a in depth look at my own behaviour.
I have a friend who is basically me 5 years ago, well parts of me anyway. I worry about it as some people are not as nice or as honest as i am. She is very reliant on approval from gift buying. Now many of you would say not to whinge, but i worry she is spending money that she needs in order to secure my friendship. This is not the case, she has my friendship 100% it doesn't matter if your rich or poor in my book, everyone is welcome to come get to know me, i judge no one until i am sure that my judgement is right and clear. I don't dissuade anyone to try and get to know me, i love people and i am a real social animal when i want to be. My only hang up's with people who bring up my personal problems and use them against me, lying, and attacking social class of a person.
I have spent a long time getting to know my friends and my best friends, we share everything together. What i don't know about Xander I prolly don't need to know or want too! lol
I dislike people trying to tell lies about me to MY friends. Liars are always found out in a friendship group that is completely transparent with each other.
I am fiercely loyal and love my friends to pieces. As i live so far away from my own family, my adopted local family are the ones who i turn to and would protect as if they are my sister or brother.
One friend, i am worried about. My little girl. Her hang up on drugs at the moment is getting out of hand and although i am part of her experience in finding drugs, I didn't realise she would become so centred on it. She is only young, i love her to pieces and i want her to achieve and have a good life. Being the party girl is fine, being the one who's remembered is great but do not do it at the cost of losing family, friends and your own self respect. I know you will read this my córka, you are one of the most special and beautiful girl in my life, i would never let anyone hurt you physically or emotionally. I will help you in anything you want me too, i will be there but i need you to hold my hand voluntarily i can't force you. You make me smile and feel happy, you make me feel old though! lol Sunday feeling you cuddled up against me, gave me a lump in my throat, its what i miss about my own sister and what i will never feel from my own daughter. Your precious to me and i want you to know that. I care and only want to help. I want to share experiences with you, but i am finding myself increasingly becoming worried about you and your behaviour especially with drugs. We shall talk at some time I'm sure. we will find the time.
right ermmm got a little tear down my face then...I'm such a homo sometimes.
I've had toothache for 3 weeks now....finally went to a dentist to be told i am having 2 teeth removed and my options are to have a huge gap between my bottom incisor and 1 tooth at the back. leaving me with one molar or a denture. I am 27 and i am going to have a denture. Wish i hadn't done all those drugs and sweets all these years. I am so paying for it now!
People don't realise that drug taking, yeah its fun its a lot of fun but if you get stupid then sorry to say they take effects. Personally drugs have effected my mental health, teeth, skin, stomach problems, nerve damage as well as carrying a lot of scars emotionally from problems with family and friends. Drugs really screwed my life up eventually and what 4 years later i still pay for it.
errghh......
However, i went out on Saturday to a house party held by a couple of friends. Now i have 2 social groups really a BDSM crowd and a Alt crowd, they mix well but certain things are lines not to be crossed although well at this party it did!
I got drunk, i have not been drunk in perhaps 2 years....I drank a bottle and a half of vodka....that is terrible i was smashed! I then proceeded to take an E and some AMT....recommended dose is about 50mg i took somewhere in the region of 200mg.....not dead so gather its ok. i do however worry about my poor little heart sometimes must be so fucked off with me. Spent a lot of time speaking with friends id not seen in months, ignoring one friend by complete accident and now paying for that mistake, i had however spent like a week with her and not seen the majority of my friends since July.
I miss crazy times, a lot. i do however realise that that lifestyle is not for me any more, i reckon if i continued in the party hard lifestyle give me 10 years and you'll be getting a invite to my funeral....sad but probably true.
there are 2 very different sides to my personality, a quiet, mature woman and a complete heathen whore! I am socially gregarious and bubbly. I love to mingle, i love to flirt...i kiss a lot, i touch a bit more and more than anything i laugh, i laugh really hard! Also it helps people find me hilarious, in a good way I'm not being laughed at as i don't act like a dick! i am a extreme pervert with no 'hard' intentions. I am a predator when it comes to women, i love girls any type really, just love girls. I kiss them if i can and more if they want. I like girls enough to say if i wasn't with Dale i do think i would be lesbian. i am also very rude about girls, i like to do naughty things to them be it a naughty little spank or a spread the legs I'm banging you sort of position!
Damn them girls!
is this enough of an update??? if someone wants to add more or ask me anything please do! xxx
oh here's a couple of photos......
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