hmmpphh....

Alright,

Well i spoke to my brother today and he is obviously taking it better than me, he is very calm and has accepted what happened, i think.
My mum has taken some photos of his injuries and i hope i will get a copy so i can show the world what this scum did.
Someone has been in custody since Sunday evening, he was found with blood all over his shoes and on his fists. So hopefully we have at least one person to take the blame and get a bit of justice.
I was however appalled at the state of the JR hospital's admin and the police's response to it.
The JR didn't give my brother a copy of his admission details nor a copy of his discharge details, i have told him to follow this up and get copies. When my sister rang the hospital she was told that Alex wasn't there, when he had been admitted early Sunday morning and she was ringing Sunday afternoon.
The police told my mum about the fact he had used drugs but failed to tell her he was in hospital.
they also have not checked the CCTV in and around Saxton road, this i hope will be followed up too.
All in all, the police and medical services are once again failing on another family member in the south. I've been subject to there idiocy as well as my sister, on SERIOUS crimes.
It was a southern doctor who told me that my 'puppy fat' would come off as i got older and failed to treat a severe case of poly cystic ovaries, which has now left me unable to have children. My mental health wasn't treated correctly till i moved to Manchester and as I've lived in Cumbria ALL of my medical problems have been treated. I cannot fault the response of emergency or medical services, they have treated me with utmost respect and have enormous thanks to give to them.

My brother then went on to ask me not to hold onto my hate towards these people as he saw little point of me suffering for the sake of them. So i agreed i would not peruse the matter as long as he did his utmost to get justice and compensation.
So i must let it go, it's hard but i understand my brother's concern and he knows it will bother me till i can get it sorted. i do feel somewhat disabled when it comes to helping out with my family.
I live in Cumbria, my family in Oxfordshire. I am a 5 hour drive away, that's a long way. So if i am to travel down it has to be for a good reason as its nearly £100 in fuel!!
I wish i could be more productive and helpful towards my family and i do hold a fair bit of guilt that my family suffer and i could perhaps ease that suffering and bring them the love and compassion they need.

I've been feeling a bit down last few days, its been slowly getting worse. I think i am on the way up tho now, i hope so. I finally managed to have a bath (not had one since Friday) at 6pm and dress in some normal clothes. That's the biggest sign i think of my depression to the outward world. I stop caring about how i look and my health in general. i tend to eat naughty things and my cravings go through the roof.
It's difficult to explain, i don't do it as i perceive myself as being too busy or its not needed. i am never too busy! i just lack care for myself or others. the longer i leave it the easier it is to cope with it, i've gone weeks without washing in the depths of depression. So i am glad i notice it now and actively do it.

All i want is a little peace in life and love from those i surround myself in. I think each of my friends is unique and i love them each for different reasons. I learned long ago that i don't need loads of friends to be popular or happy, i needed people who cared and love me for me. Everyone gets a chance, everyone is welcome to talk to me but don't be shocked if i say 'sorry, your not for me'. I don't mean to offend but my life is short, why waste my energy on a friendship that will never work, when i could put that energy into existing relationships. I welcome new friends but come to me as a honest and open person foremost.

Oh on a lighter note, i really really like big brother, i am proper addicted to it!! i am sorry but i am only human!!! xxxx