My Grandad

My grandad died yesterday. he was very ill and had been for a long time, so we knew it was coming. He was 88 and apart from a couple of hospital visits he didnt move out of one room in 2 1/2 years.
I last saw him early in the year, i do not live near my home town, i live in Cumbria, my family in Oxfordshire. We spoke a lot bout times past, saying our sorry's, telling each other how we felt and how much we loved each other. I knew that was going ot be the last time and i think he did too. we both had tears in our eyes.
I don't remember my grandad as this ill man. I see the man that stood at 6 foot tall, a full head of silver held in place with cossack hairspray, that smell is my grandad. His car smelling of sick. the trips out, the little cuddles, his pat on the head. i will never feel him again. ill never smell him again, i won't see him again. im cying so much right now. i just want him back, back to my old grandad how he would want to be remembered, not the shell that he was in the hospital bed.
My grandad passed away at 4am, my friend Karen is clairvoyant and saw a man, a father figure stood over me at 4am. He came to me, to let me know.
He saved me from so much, he taught me so much. he really was the only one sometimes. he only wanted the best from me.
My grand parents are so much to me, i lived with them for 2 years, during a very difficult time. My grandad saw me as a daughter and i do feel a little bit closer to him.
i had 3 dads, pete, steve and bill.
I hope to get a tattoo on my wrist with a little cross and grandad. i just need him with me. to always be able to know he is there and i love him.

missing my grandad, it really really hurts. like so bad, i feel like being sick.

love you grandad xxxx