Not a lot.
i did a quick shoot with maya and will attach a few faves from the shoot to share with you. Was nice ot see X & M on sunday, wish we spent more time together sometimes :(
I had my tattoos refilled on saturday at Ian & Karen's, was nice ot see them too, oh i got my hair cut too! i had about 3 inches off, was doing my head in!
i managed to acquire some speed saturday, so spent most of the day whizzing off my tits and attached to cd case lol Nowt special, occasion wise, was just going and i thought yeah i could play....just made me chat shit all night on facebook!
I then fell into a bit of a downer, yeah i know its the comedown but i think the need to play with drugs was cause the depression was just lingering around the corner, ah well, just meant i spent 2 days in bed. Also means i had to delay a shoot with a girl called Sarah. It's a shoot i am looking forward too but i didnt think saturday's binge was going ot last till today pretty much.....
Other than that i've done very little with my life. I find weeks like this to be sooo boring and dull. I sometimes think i am a complete waste of space, the air i breathe is wasted on me.....i do literally shit all with my life, i try and do more but i am not encouraged or supported by my partner. There is so much i would like to do, long walks around the lakes, painting, meditation and yoga but i need support from Dale to do these things as i don't drive so need his co-operation on them.
He laughed at me doing yoga, he can't seem to hold onto a piss when i try and meditate and going ot the temple was met by sniggers.
Sometimes i wonder why i am with Dale, he doesn't help my moods sometimes and isn't very enocuraging of some of my pursuits. He is positive about my photos but i can't really get any good critque on them which is whati need sometime.
It's difficult, i love him to pieces but our interests are the complete opposite. Dale is a hermit, i am a social butterfly! i need to spread my wings now and again. I feel trapped tbh, stuck in a very mundane life. I am so nagative about my relationship with Dale but i whinge about everything, whilst silently being very grateful for what i've got. I love Dale, 100%. He is my best friend to the end. Our relationship is different i suppose as we both have mental health problems, we are a introvert/extrovert partnership, we are with each other constantly the longest we have been apart is a week and that has happened twice in nearly 4 years!!
I was speaking ot a friend the other day about our past and the fact we've grown up and changed. Mellowed and well we find each other still attractive and still think we could work as a couple. it puts me in such a dilemma. I would never leave Dale, i love him too much but the option that little reckless minx is still lurking in me, wants ot takethe risk, just do it! See what happens. She is an amazing woman and i know my life with her would be as comfortable and happier than my situation now. She was my little princess for a long time and i enjoyed our lifestyle much more than i do at the moment. I know she can offer me all the security i could ever want, i love her to pieces but i have to think of others now and not be so selfish. Am i being selfish? Is it just a case of the grass is greener?
I really shouldn't share these things, but now i have YOU, yes YOU! I can share my life and my thoughts and i won't keep them knocking about in my head!
I would like to note though, although yes i have these thoughts, they are thoughts and i put them down to my ever grasping nature and i have no intention of leaving Dale and i love him completely.
Here's some photos.....
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