Now i feel i need to shed a bit of light on my spirituality...i mention it but not delved into detail with it.
I came from a church of England background, although not practising. At 15 i discovered wicca & paganism, i studied hard for a year or so, writing stuff down from books, casting little spells etc. My mother found out and went ballistic, needless to say i did not feel i could step down the spiritual path i wanted so sort of gave up on it. I tried to practice at least being green and a bit of a hippy. It wasn't until 2 years ago i felt it was my time to take on the difficult task of finding out who i am inside, spiritually.
I went straight back to Wicca and Paganism, finding my roots again and again starting to practice and being active about educating myself. Well about a year ago i bought a book cheap called the guide to buddhism, it told the history of it all, its principles, practices etc and i found myself particularly drawn to Buddha. Buddha was a image i recognised immediately as i already had a few little Buddha's and had always had a little interest in eastern philosophies. I then off something called Freecycle was able to pick up 25 mint condition books on Buddhism, i read a few but admittedly the task of reading them all is mammoth! I was then kindly bought The Art of Self Realization, the words of The Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada. This opened my eyes and brought with it a feeling of fullness and excitement. Still now if i think of Krishna i become a little excited, a feeling of joy comes from deep within and i feel it colour my cheeks. Krishna is my lord, i serve him in the best way i can and make the lives of others happy and to serve my brother's and sister's. I am a compassionate soul now, offering all i have, even if it means i am left with nothing. I was a selfish and hedonistic woman, i made a lot of mistakes but i do feel now that Krishna has shined his light down upon me, giving me my wonderful partner, Dale, who saved me from my decrepit life. My friends, oh my joyous friends, i live for the days i spend with them, i have few friends but those i do have i hold very dear and special. My family, the loving embrace one can get from a family, but its not always been easy, i forgive those who hurt me and i beg for forgiveness from them, i lay down everything to those whom i have hurt, i ask not to be punished but to be embraced and encouraged to learn from those mistakes and to carry on forward through my life now as a bhaktini of Krishna, where i will avoid conflict and handle affairs correctly and with care and thought.
Surrendering myself has been hard, i am a intelligent and scientific as well as very analytical. My head tells me don't be silly god and angels on fluffy clouds doesn't exist but my heart knows different, it knows how happy and fulfilled i am since finding Krishna.
There are many things that all need to be changed before i can make myself a complete devotee. I need to give up all intoxicating substances, stop eating that 1 piece of meat i eat a week lol smoking, I've cut down to only 20 every 2 days, but i do smoke spliffs as well....i need to make some changes that tbh needed to be done anyway.
I am done with the dirty. This Franny lives life looking up and reaching out! I found happiness and it comes in the form of Krishna!
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna
Krishna, Krishna, Hare, Hare
Hare Rama, Hare Rama,
Rama, Rama, Hare, Hare
Namste!
xxx
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