What's going on?

What's going on you say? Honestly nothing to write home about....well i don't know actually this may get interesting....hold on.....

Let's talk about the state of my head.....I've been depressed for weeks, not severe, well in places its been severe but just a general everything is complete shit depression...Dale's the same apart from his depression has lasted for months :( Now you may think well perhaps its being together that makes you depressed, what's the point? Well weirdly me and dale are getting along better than we have done for some time, so its not that....
I only seem to be happy when im stoned, that's terrible but it eases off the crap in my life, Makes me feel better, more creative, more happy. Why stop? would you?
I'm doing more shoots than ever, ive got bookings for next year already, sadly only a couple of actual paid shoots, but more for the portfolio! Working hard at perfecting my style, been a few balls up's but getting there....
My family are pretty much silent apart from my sister. That's shit..I'm forgotten about most of the time.
Friendships have been ended, rekindled and started. That's good, getting the crap from my life out, people who cause me issues get removed from my life very quickly. I have no time for lies and drama. Some of my friendships are a bit stretched at the moment i feel, but i could just be paranoid...
Money the fucking bane of my life. Well we ain't got any. Simple as that really lol I've lost weight cause im simply not eating. i have 2 meals a day, tomato soup with 2 slices of bread, no butter, not got any and evening i have pasta and tuna..maybe a little treat like a choc bar once or twice a week but that's pretty much been my diet for nearly a month.
Things ain't looking good at all.
I think that's my main stress, its covering bills, debts and such, robbing peter to pay paul.....

i seem sort of stuck, everything is sticking in the same place and i don't like it, not one bloody bit!

I've got the psychiatrist on the 13th, new meds they reckon and a more permanent solution to my sleeplessness. Got the sleep clinic in December too, another step for my banding....banding in January and hopefully it wont be too long ot wait for an op date. im desperate for this to start moving, i feel so old and fat and i want a new lease of life! I've been having a few hypos recently, not good. im simply not eating enough :( reckon i need another tooth out too :((

Everything is just really shit at the moment....nothing traumatising but enough ot keep me under my little black cloud.

I've been contemplating suicide a lot recently. I've been so low and see no point in my life carrying on. That sucks arse completely.

Think that's about it, prolly do another one soon though, let you know what's happening...

Much love xxx